You’ve connected on a dating app. He or you has decided to make a phone call to get to know the other better (to decide whether to go on a date or not). In my experience, only about a man out of 5 will initiate this. I usually agree, it’s a great way to assess if you want to meet someone or not. And as a busy person, I prefer a failed phone call than a failed date, that I will have prepared and travelled for.
I still laugh about an ex of mine who had asked ‘phone call advice’ to a female friend of his. However, a phone call is a big deal if you’re not good on the phone, shy, or not fluent in the language of the country. I don’t like the phone, but if it can save me time, I will use it. And I still remember the great first phone call I had with that ex. I even remember where I was 10 years later. Phone calls will make it or break it.
This phone call didn’t go well. What happened?
First, the man organized it in a very business manner, insisting we are busy people and have no time to waste. The message was:
‘Hi Electra, Busy people. Would you like to plan for a phone call? I’m not interested in texting (fair enough, me neither). Not the insisting type also. A‘
Everything was very cold and business like, there was no seduction or playfulness. I was making a banana cake the hour preceeding the agreed time. I had a time deadline as I wanted the cake to be in the oven for when he would call, to focus on the conversation. The tray was in the oven by 8.29pm and he called at 8.30 sharp, like he had promised.
He started by saying in an accusatory tone: ‘your’re in the kitchen‘, because the connection wasn’t great. He guessed in what room I was, that was a bit spooky. I mentioned that I was indeed, as I had just finished baking a cake. He didn’t seem happy and didn’t use this to make a joke or mention his or my love of cakes. He should have, that would have set the tone of the conversation, and talking about cakes is always nice and unserious. I asked how he was, no reply. There was a silence, I asked again how he was and being annnoyed already by his lack of initiative or humour, I asked if he had any question. He replied that we were both intelligent people and that he didn’t have to be the one asking questions. Right. Feeling this was turning unpleasant, I said this wasn’t going to work and made my – needless to say VERY quick – good byes…This saved me from going on a date with someone way too serious with no sense of humour.
Indeed, a man doesn’t have to be the one asking questions, however, if you’re the one asking for a phone call and being anal about the time of the phone call, well, show this woman you have conversation and a sense of humour. Failing that, it’s…good bye. If you want to save yourself prep time ladies, do the phone call. It can be a very painful 2 or 5 minutes, but you’ll then be relieved you didn’t travel to meet this person. My cake is now ready! Have you ever had terrible first phone calls? Or great ones? What is your experience? Please write them in the comments.